So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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