hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize