Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
