i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
