Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I bet he comes in French.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize