I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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