The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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