just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
