im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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