babies were throwing up all over the place
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
