Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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