Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
