you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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