You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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