i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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