do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
