I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
