So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
