Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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