Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
