we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
