I think I won the penis lottery.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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