Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
my shit smells like andre
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
