So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
