Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize