I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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