so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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