wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
