I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
