drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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