i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The Olympian is in my bed
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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