What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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