You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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