Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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