If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
