the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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