this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
