Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
