dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
