Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
