I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize