my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
