Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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