Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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