He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
