I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
there's paper in my vomit.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
