shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
