I think my fart just growled at me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i drank out of a bidet.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
