He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
