He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I am one with the molecules
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
