She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
