I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
