My cat gives me a boner
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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