sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
