He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
