Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
