Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
