Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
