She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
