Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize