Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
