I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
