He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
