I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
