Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize